Ruang Berpikir

I wanna know everything about you but the information is limited. I wanna ask you but too afraid. I have a big curiosity of you. There is a huge wall surrounds you. There is also a very big secret that I have not known about you. I wanna know, I wanna know but I don't know how to know. I wanna know the whole story of you, not part by part or scene by scene. I wanna read you from the beginning 'till the end. I wanna know the history of you. I wanna know you deeply. I wanna know where did you come from. I wanna know how could your parents meet. I wanna know your child period. I wanna know where city have you and your family lived. I wanna know how was the little you. How cute that kid. Äh so... I really wanna know about it. I wanna know what is your favorite food. I wanna know what is your passion actually, what is your dream, what is your life goal, what is your mission. And I will be so impressed when you wanna share these with me. There are many things that I don't kno...

Jadi ini yang namanya rindu. Rasa ingin bertemu tapi tertahan di dalam kalbu. Jadi ini yang namanya rindu. Ego ingin bertemu tapi otak bilang jangan dulu. Jadi ini yang namanya rindu. Kaki mencegah hati ingin bertemu. Jadi ini yang namanya rindu. Yang kubisa hanya menatapmu pilu. Jadi ini yang namanya rindu. Rindu. Kenapa bisa serindu ini padamu.

I hate to admit that I miss you. I hate to admit that I care you. I hate to admit that I am waiting for your words. I hate to admit that you're the one I comfort with. I hate to admit that I want to spend my time with you. I hate to admit that I am happy with you. Overall, the most thing that I hate, it is that I can't admit it in front of you. I can't say it by words. I hate to guess, guess, and just guess. I hate to imagine that you are okey. I hate to imagine that everything's going right. I am not a guesser, I am not good in guessing. Then, I really hate these feelings. Oh God just helps me please...

Sedih banget to rasanya grupnya sepi. Grup yang biasanya nyaris nggak ada matinya perlahan tapi (mungkin) pasti bakal mati juga. Suka nggak suka, rela nggak rela. Biasanya tuh yaa kita chattingan sampe pagi. Atau kalo nggak gitu ya paling engga kalo aku pulang eles jam 9an itu yaa kita rame gitu lah di grup. Nah malem ini engga. Yang satu main jauh, satunya sibuk, satunya galau dan tidur. Dan aku juga capek kalo mereka on nya jam 12an aku udah tepar. Ngga kuat ngikutin. Sedih e. Sedih bangett to rasanya. Bahkan pagi ini juga sama. Tinggal sendirian jadi pengatur dan penguasa sendirian asik emang awalnya tapi lama-lama kalo terus sepi kaya gini sedih juga deh. Bangun pagi biasanya ada yang ngucapin good morning ini nggak ada. Sepi lagi. Biasanya juga semangat habis solat langsung ngapain kek, beresin kasur lah, nyapu, masak (biasanya semangat banget masak tuh), nyuci piring, bersih-bersih, whatever and these make me happy really.. Buku, buku bisa menginspirasi. Belajar bisa menyenan...

I love doing what I'am doing now. What is it called? Take care of a house. Am I a house keeper? No, I am not. But I like doing it all. In the morning I wake up, pray, make the bed up, sweep the floor, wash the dishes, cook, wash the clothes, water the flower, tidy the rooms  up, sweep the yard, throw the rubbishes, iron the clothes, warm the motorcycle up, and of course go shopping. Do I prapare my self to be a nanny? No, I don't. This is more than to clean the house up. This is about training myself to be a mommy. Yeahh, mommy, mother.. A wife. Someday I'm going to be her. I'm going to be a mother and a wife. I'm going to get married, be a wife, have children, and be a mommy. That is an awesome role every girl can dream, perhaps. I am twenty, then I'll married on the next some years. I know that being a career woman and also a mother is not easy. So many things need to do. And now I train myself to do that. I teach myself. I teach my self to cook. I am tryi...

Sebenci apapun dengan sendiri, tetap saja tidak bisa menghindar. Kita lahir sendiri, begitu pula mati. Sekeras apapun menahan, menjaga, dan mengusahakan, jika memang mereka pergi yasudah pergi saja. Memang sendiri itu memuakkan. Sendiri itu menjemukan. Sendiri itu jelas membosankan. Tapi kamu tidak bisa menahan satu orang untuk di sisimu selamanya bukan? Bagaimana pun juga, tetap saja kau akan sendirian. Mungkin kau sayang dengan beberapa orang, atau mungkin kau adalah penyayang semua orang. Tapi, sekalipun mereka menyayangimu juga, apa kau yakin mereka akan tetap terus bersamamu? Tentu tidak, bukan?

Hellaaw vellaass.. apa kareba? Bagaimana liburannya? Seru pastinya.. Here I am back. I sit at this brown sofa at this house in Godean. The holiday is over. I have come back to Jogja. There was a time that I felt so hard to go. I just enjoyed my holiday with my friends. I have no one special, but some people. They are my friends at SMAN 1 Pacitan that's made my holiday colorful. I won't mention their name because I don't have any permissions. I am going to tell them by describing. The first is a girl smaller than me. She studies at UNS, Solo. The second is a boy studies at ITB, Bandung. The third is a girl older than me studies at Poltekes, Malang. The fourth is also a girl studies math at STKIP, Pacitan. I have many friends but they are the beloved. We have a Line group. We talked about everything. The group was almost never stop ringing. We went out sometimes. The last day before I went to Jogja, we went to Pidakan beach.  That's the first girl (yellow veil), ...