Ruang Berpikir

I start to treat my self like my mother treat me. I sleep enough, eat enough, keep my surroundings clean ant tidy enough, wash and iron my clothes, I treat my self like my mother did when I was child. I take care of my self as well as I can. I don't sleep over night. I wake up early. I do breakfast. I prepare my stuff to college. I cook rice. I drink fresh water. I keep my bed tidy. I take a rest when I am tired. I do my homework. When I go home to late, I boil water. I take a bath by warm water. I don't let my body get sick. I don't let my body exhausted. I need more money. I need to go to Japan by the next semester if I am elected by the judges. That is AIMS, partial shcilarship to exchange around ASEAN countries and Japan. I chose Japan. It is ten million rupiah. I am bored of asking my parents to transfer me money. I am tired of waiting and not doing anything. I want to do something which can earn money. I have joined hidro assistant. It has been two years, almost...

Setiap orang pasti berubah. Dari yang dulunya gabisa bangun pagi, gapernah solat subuh tepat waktu, hobi tidur malem, begadang, ngabisin waktu untuk hal-hal yang nggak penting jadi berubah seratus delapan puluh derajat. Jadi prefer tidur sore, otomatis bangun subuh, bisa denger adzan subuh, bisa ngapa-ngapain sampe pagi tanpa terkantuk-kantuk. Bahkan jadi anti buat tidur lagi, anti bangun siang, anti males-malesan di kasur selimutan nurutin dingin, tapi yang ada malah gerak terus gerak terus cari kerjaan, ga diem. Sebenernya kalo boleh jujur itu anugrah yang luar biasa banget. Bener-bener luar biasa. Drastis banget. Bener-bener drastis. Dan ketika orang yang dulunya cuek bebek sama kebersihan kerapihan berubah seratus delapan puluh derajat jadi pecinta kebersihan kerapihan itu juga mukjizat sih kalo boleh aku bilang. Entah gimana prosesnya, tau-tau nyadar aja. Eh, kok risih ya lihat sesuatu yang berantakan, gak beres, kotor, gak pada tempatnya, kok gatel ya pingin benerin, pingin b...

I am so sad because I am so ngerepotin and nyusahin banyak orang. I make something simple to be complicated. I make myself trapped in difficulties. I can't do anything simply and effectively at the first time. I must be trapped in a mbulet thought. I am so shy. I am nyusahin my parents, my friends, my cousin, my neighbor, and people around me. I made them getting difficulties because of me. I made them angry, sad, crying, and disappointed. I am so sorry. I am afraid of losing my best friends. I am afraid that I am too annoying. I am afraid if I am too cruel, too selfish, too stupid. I am truly afraid of losing my best people. I am afraid if I am wrong. I am afraid if I have a good wants in my perspective but I express it by bad manner and hurt people's heart. I am so afraid of people getting hurt because of my uncontrol words or actions. I am so afraid. I beg their apologies, I hope they still want to stay with me. I know that I am too bad, I am too selfish, I am wrong. I...